Preparing For The Tournament I

First of all, let me say here and now that I have a monstrous headache.1 Headaches like this are going to reduce my grammatical inhibitions. Consider yourselves forewarned.

Okay, so I’ve begun my training regime for this upcoming tournament. The most trying of the implementations is eating healthy. As a Mexican, I am required by my genetics to eat as unhealthy as allowable by law. Cutting down on the cheeseburgers and tacos has been…difficult. Actually, difficult isn’t quite the right word, because I’m very disciplined. What really happens is that I am approximately eighty-thousand times more irritable. And because I work security at a bar downtown, this means – examining the population as a whole – the 21-year-olds out having a nice, irresponsible night of drinking are going to receive a fractional amount more death-threats as a result of ever-more-mundane infractions.

I decided, on a whim, to go with a cat photo. God knows if you want thousands of hits on a website in an hour all you have to do is post photos of cats.

In the morning, I have two cups of coffee and 48 almonds.2 Pretty standard. For lunch, I’ll eat whatever I want, but in a normal-human proportion (instead of my gigantic feasting sessions).3 Or I’ll have a shake of some kind…two bananas, a cup of oatmeal, a cup of almond milk, and another fruit. Today I’m trying pears. We’ll see how it goes. Then dinner is a salad, with a little olive oil.

The main point being that I have reduced my caloric intake from ~6000 calories of pure junk to ~3000 of Not Altogether Junk. I needed to lose 15 pounds for my weight class (who knew I was so fat?) and am about halfway there.

The benefits to eating healthy? After a meal, I do not feel the urge to immediately begin hibernating. I look better, I guess…? I don’t know. This topic upsets me. Healthy people are so goddamn smug sometimes; and their oneupmanship pisses me off to galactic proportions.4

“Suffocated kumquat, perhaps?”

Bit of a vanilla post. Next week, I’ll go deeper into what I’m doing to train for this tournament. Finally, I found a better video of my very last jiu-jitsu match. What is my ultimate inspiration for training so much and eating healthy and being tired all the time from exercise? My last goddamn loss.


1. Finishing 2/3rds a bottle of whiskey at the behest of your jiu-jitsu instructor (and with his help) will do that. “What? He’s never led me astray before…” – Famous Last Words.

2. Apparently the fact that I eat exactly 48 almonds every single day and have been for a year or more is strange. I had no idea.

3. My hunger is legendary, my audience.

4. Though I quit smoking some 18 months ago, I still feel a certain affinity with those brave souls who choose to be unhealthy. The Misanthropic Wanderer.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s