This past Saturday, March 10th, 2012, I competed in Boerne, TX at 187 lbs. Aaand at purple belt, my lovelies. Aaand, I got first place. Let me tell you, my audience, all about it.
The week of March 5th – March 10th
Monday: I received an email from my instructor asking me to compete.
Tuesday: I chose the 187 pound division and signed up.
Wednesday: To make sure I have the cardiovascular endurance to press the pace of the matches (if necessary) / as a basic diagnostic tool for my current, hereto unknown fitness level, I ran3.3 miles, rested five minutes, ran 2.2 miles, rested five minutes, then ran 1.1 miles. To my happy surprise, I did not die of a heart attack or feel like I was dying from a heart attack.
Thursday: My teammate, whose – not entirely tangential to the facts at hand – real name is that of a mythical bird, agrees to help with the ridiculous plan I concocted to get to the tournament on Saturday without missing work.
Friday: “Operation Ridiculous” is placed into effect. I went into work at 9 pm…
Saturday: And got out of work around 3 AM. It is now technically Saturday morning. My teammate and I picked up one more teammate; and the three of us start driving to San Antonio around 3:30 AM in the morning. 5 AM, we arrived in San Antonio at a friend’s house and slept for two hours.
We wake up, are out the door by 7:30 AM, and the whole world should know they had a very irritable, sleep-deprived “Jiu-Jitsu Wanderer” on their hands.
Fast forward until 3 or 4 PM, and it’s finally time for me to compete. My first match lasted perhaps 2½ minutes. I finished him with a triangle, and no points were scored on me. My second match, again, lasted some 2½ minutes, no points scored on me. I finished him with an armbar.
Aaand that’s it. First place. Taaa-daaa. Footage exists somewhere of these two matches. As soon as I procure it, I’ll post it. The second match I had was particularly instructive, as I spent some time in the guy’s half-guard. The week prior to the tournament, the topic of several classes had been half-guard – and there was a precise moment in the match, while running through the checklist of things I need to pass while in someone’s half-guard, when I felt the conceptual points from the prior classes suddenly and forevermore “make sense.”1 Then I just passed, and the gentleman was never able to recover a tenable position.
What else? I was super disappointed at the fact there was not an Absolute Purple Division. The white belts had one. The blue belts had one. There must have been 20 purple belts at the tournament, with approximately half of them competing in some capacity. What gives? Whose decision was this?
Anyway. That about wraps up the tournament write-up Afterward, we drove back into Austin and went into work. Holy Moses, I was tired. And even by the normal bouncer-standards, I was exceedingly irritable.
Sorry about missing yesterday, my audience. South By Southwest is here all week, and I work downtown. So the hours have been a little crazy lately.
One last thing. Did anyone see the footage of the argument someone started with Ryan Hall?!
That poor, wanton, obviously mentally ill person should, starting this year, make a yearly pilgrimage to the Parthenon. Once there, he should buy the finest goat in all of Athens and sacrifice it, in perfect accordance with the methods of propitiations put forth by the Cult of Athena, to Ryan Hall. This idiot should, I say again, perform this pilgrimage once a year until the year of his own death. I’m not kidding.
Thanks for reading.