So here I stand at the six-month anniversary in the life of this blog. Behind us? Now behind us, my audience, are articles involving soreness, injuries, tournament results, a modern major-general – “I am very well-acquainted, too, with matters mathematical” – Tyler Durden, and a photo of me dressed as a woman. At this hodgepodge juncture, it seems appropriate to step back for an entry and see what has been accomplished.
What is it exactly that people think of your humble Jiu-Jitsu Wanderer and his blog?
The feedback has been overwhelmingly positive, to say the least. And while I could not hope to exhaustively cover the kind of mail I receive by plane, train, or automobile, I would like to share some with you.
Excerpts of Preposterously Magnanimous Exaltation for The Jiu-Jitsu Wanderer:
“I thought about blaming the telephone lines in Myanmar, but let’s face it,” phoned The Village Drunk of Naypyidaw, “the beer in this country is almost too good. This may or may not be the first time in a week I’ve been sober enough to do this!” Fancying himself an authority on all topics foreign and domestic, the certifiably-insane Burmese man said “I can tell you without a trace of hyperbole that The Jiu-Jitsu Wanderer is the literary equivalent of bathing in the blood of a Slovakian man…who – I might add! – had recently made love to a Finnish dame in the backseat of a Toyota Camry.” When asked to clarify the statement or explain why he knew so much about my personal affairs, he responded cryptically and in accusatory tones, “You’re not the only one who hangs off the edge of cliffs in Chechnya!”
“Better than your average man-on-man erotica,” summarized Christian Bardsley of The Comprehensive Guide to Man-on-Man Erotica, Volume IV. The only guide on this planet able to boast ‘temporary blindness’ and ‘spontaneous nose bleeds’ as side-effects, The Editor-in-Chief continued, “Reading The Jiu-Jitsu Wanderer is a certainly a welcome break from our rather…understandably messy editing process. I highly recommend the blog to anyone with an aversion to being struck either blind or with a red, gushing, fountainous nose bleed. 5 out of 5 stars.”
“Reading this blog is more fun than getting kicked in the junk by a mule,” enthused the infamous, comically tall, adrenaline-junkie Michael Coradi. Having made a name for himself juggling flaming chainsaws while gurgling nitroglycerin, enough PCP coursing through his veins to kill several large land mammals, he expressed genuine surprise to learn that most people would not consider ‘getting kicked in the junk by a mule’ to be fun whatsoever. “Really?!” he exclaimed, “Well…when given a choice between reading The Jiu-Jitsu Wanderer and, after a few drinks, submitting to some consensual––” is the last sentence I heard before hanging up. “’Except-when-I’m-lonely, I almost always choose The Jiu-Jitsu Wanderer,’ is what I was going to say!” he managed to get out in blurt on the second phone call, before I hung up again and unplugged the landline.
“Reading The Jiu-Jitsu Wanderer has done two things for me,” came the testimonial from esteemed primatologist and avid reader Dorsey LaMartina. “One, it has definitely made my jiu-jitsu better. Just the other day, in fact, I caught and tapped a rampaging chimpanzee in a RNC; and I have The Wanderer to thank. Two, it satisfied a deep scientific curiosity I once held. Now I know what it would be like if a 6 foot tall, 190 pound bonobo – subsisting on a strict diet of Blue Diamond almonds and Chinese fish-head soup – was kept intoxicated and encouraged to publish an article online about martial arts.” With a deep sigh, she concluded, “Ignorance really can be a kind of bliss. My Wednesdays’ve never been the same.”
If this post made you laugh, then (a) comment, (b) rate, (c) repost it, (d) subscribe, or (e) write me a love letter at email@example.com. This blog is usually about Brazilian jiu-jitsu, I swear. Next week, I’ll return to the Regularly Scheduled Programming.
And should someone seriously ask you why they should take time out of their busy day to read this blog, my audience, just remember to tell them, “The Jiu-Jitsu Wanderer: When he comes home from a late night of drinking, he promises to never smell like sin. And he’ll never call you good-for-nothing. Even if it’s true.”
Thanks for reading.