My blog is three months old today, or thereabouts. And I am happy to report that the reader responses called in, sent via letter, fax, email and messenger pigeon have all been overwhelmingly positive. My audience, both home and abroad, love me.
Excerpts of Extraordinary International Acclaim for The Jiu-Jitsu Wanderer:
“Super snarky,” writes Former Poli-Sci Major, Tarleton Alumnis, and The Greatest English as a Second Language Teacher to ever live in Pohang, South Korea, Paul Mason Krieling III. “It’s brilliant. OMG IS THAT PATRICK?! You just got added to my bookmark bar. You are next to cnn.com. Congrats,” and “The greatest blog f [sic] all time!”
“This kind of spelling and grammar puts my eight-year old ESL students to shame,” faxed The Globetrotting Canadian-Ginger Jeffrey Ferguson who has an encyclopedic knowledge of obscure movies and is the reason I started taking Martial Arts lessons five years ago, “Suck it, Sook Jin.” The content engages him, my stalker explained, despite never having taken a single Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu class in his life. “Well, it’s certainly more interesting than reading this month’s restraining order.” [Author’s Note: The rest of the faxed pages were blank, except for a small excerpt of handwriting at the end which read “…Justin, why won’t you love me?”]
“I don’t always read blogs. But when I do, I read The Jiu-Jitsu Wanderer,” read a note taken off a messenger pigeon addressed from ‘A yacht, The Mediterranean” and signed ‘The Most Interesting Man In The World.’
“A friend of mine was reading this blog,” said known atheist and known Australian Christia Faulkner about allegedly miraculous events surrounding my sizable fan base in Vietnam, “and suddenly regained the use of both her legs, which have been paralyzed from birth.” Also known to spend her time building model airplanes while espousing the belief that ‘the closest living relative to the Hippopotamus is the Whale,’ she clarified her statement, saying, “Now I’m not saying that there’s necessarily a connection here, but clearly there’s some greater power at work…” After an awkward silence, she cleared her throat and screamed into the receiver “And it’s coming from the blog!” before hanging-up entirely.
“This blog is my morning coffee,” began the email from the enthusiastic and infamous disciplinarian, my elementary school physical education coach Doris E. Eddy. “It makes me want to go better, harder, faster, stronger, and for longer,” the 74-year old native of Massachusetts shared. “Please remind me to personally scissor-sweep your candy ass, Sally, next time I see you!”
“To me,” enthused the random, disheveled, and stinky hobo when I informed him testimonial about my blog was worth $20, “this is like a well of inspiration; and that well is filled with…rainbows. Every once and awhile a new rainbow appears and I take it out and it protects me from the harsh realities of the mediocre world outside.”
I’ll update in a few days. Thanks for reading.