Some Ado About Nothing

A few nights ago, three friends and I were sitting at a Whataburger, when some dude and two of his friends walked in. It was past midnight, around one maybe. I am sure, my audience, that you can imagine the loud and drunken state of these three. “I waaant a Whataburger with cheese,” said the tall, especially-dumb-looking one.

The four of us, lightly chatting and having a conversation about The Rubik’s Cube, change our mind and decide to eat the food here at the restaurant, instead of taking it to go. “Yo, lend me the keys to the car. I want to get my juice,” says the friend sitting immediately beside me. Keys in hand now, he walks to the car and passes the three people who are still busy pottering away, loudly, in their own imbecilities.

And again he passed them on his way back to sit down with us, this time with a gallon of juice in his hand. Not two seconds had passed since we were again all seated when I saw an especially-dumb-looking hand pointing at us, and heard, in an especially-dumb-sounding chirp, “Hey, he’s bringing outside food!” Then he started yelling it. “He has outside food!” And again he chirped. And again, in quickfire succession.

My face was flushed red with embarrassment and Imonlyhuman anger and, more than that, incredulity – what the hell is going on and is this really happening? Is this guy trying to drop the dime on us and get us kicked out of the restaurant over juice? The manager took the time to inform the talking bobblehead that it was okay, that we were neither breaking the rules, or disturbing anybody (very much unlike The Complainer himself). Yet still, he drilled the point a few more times before finally letting it go.

Visions, glorious visions swam before me: a somersault, six feet of air, landing on top of him, Kimura already locked into place. But cooler heads prevailed. Beating someone up in your imagination does not actually count. I probably would not have done it anyway. No, I’m probably not a fighter. I’m probably a lover(ish).


Anyway, the incident sparked a light conversation at the table about that fight at Whataburger which went viral. A few days later, I found myself doing a little research about this incident and decided, since then, that it’ll be the subject of my next blog entry. In particular, I think what happened speaks directly to the efficacy of jiu-jitsu in self-defense situations.


2 thoughts on “Some Ado About Nothing

  1. Since one of the mentioned subjects of this blog is ‘writing,’ I think every now and again an entry will come in the style of the short stories I write. And I do, after all, want to be a writer when I ‘grow up.’ Hopefully the occasional change-up is more entertaining/engaging than distracting. Thanks for reading.

  2. Not going to lie, I’ve enjoyed this entry a lot more, cracked me up. For the record, I think beating someone up in your head should count simply because you have to be a lot stronger than your opponent to walk away from a fight. Then again that’s just me, and I’m a lover (and not afraid to admit it 😉 ha, vs. being a fighter. Though as I grow older I am finding it difficult to choose my battles and trend lightly with words. Does that ever happen with you?

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